June 15th, 2012 will stay like a fractured photograph in my mind forever.
This year marks seven years since you are gone. According to Google it’s been 61320 hours but it feels like an eternity. When I think how long it has been since I spoke to you, since I heard your laugh boom around our house, it fills me with such a sadness even now.
I still think of you every day and for every good thing that happens or for everything I see before me that I know you would love, I hope that you are there right beside me experiencing it with me.
During your final week the pain was unbearable. Knowing deep down you would never wake up and joke around with me ever again, well it broke my heart. I was 25 but that week I felt like a young child and for weeks after I replayed every year of my childhood over and over longing to turn the clock back.
My heart was so heavy and everything in my life became overwhelming and suffocating.
You were the strongest most vibrant man I had ever known, and I am yet to meet a man to match up to the legacy you left behind.
A complete daddy’s girl for 25 years, you taught me everything I know.
A father’s role is to protect his daughter and guide her through life – you not only did this, but you taught me to be independent, learn how to stand on my own two feet and defend myself when needed.
Even now I feel you guiding me, you constantly show me that love never really dies, and more often than not I sense you next to me, the smell of you, the smell of familiarity. I know you are letting me know that you are around.
There is so much of you in me – I have your sense of humour, your lack of patience, your passion for writing. I look like you, I have your eyes and I have your heart. You loved your family so much. Whenever anyone mentions your name it is only to say good things.
Holding your hand that last week, you showed me how brave you truly were. You were then and you are now my superhero, the strongest man in the world.
I miss you even more today than seven years ago.
It has been a long, long time since I got to tell you I love you. But I know you’re there, I can still see your face and I can still feel your love.
You were everything to me, you were , my best friend and I know I was one of the lucky ones. I assumed everyone had a father like you, they don’t. I was lucky.
Lucky to have you for as long as I did.
So today, I think of you but that is nothing new.
And tomorrow is Father’s Day so we will celebrate all that you were and all that you are.
I love you xx