Sam Thompson (Made in Chelsea) seems to be forever in the spotlight with his unlucky-in-love escapades. He has even resorted to being on Celebs Go Dating, twice! And still not found love.
Nothing seems to have changed, as recently it was announced that he has split from his most recent flame, Zara McDermott. Now, I’ll be honest… When I heard it was a ‘cheating’ scandal, I automatically assumed Sam was the guilty party (Sorry Sam, very naughty of me!). But it turns out Zara may have been the one to cheat. The speculations include a romantic fling with a music insider related to when she was on the X Factor in 2019 forming a Love Island group. The couple started dating in May 2019, X factor celebrity was aired in October 2019, and the pair moved in together just as lockdown began. Poor Sam only found out about the fling in August, and is reported to being distraught by the news. But what I find more painful is that instead of admitting her wrongdoing and moving on, she is apparently going to fight for the relationship!
Can a leopard ever change its spots?
From my experience, no! I have forgiven a cheater in the early stages of a relationship, only to find out later on that the cheating had continued for the rest of the relationship (2 years in total)! Just like Zara, my ex moved in with me, promised a life of love and togetherness only for me to find out through random acts about his cheating. Anyone believe in ‘fate’ and ‘everything happens for a reason’? Well, the circumstances surrounding the 2 times I found out about him cheating ways were the most random (first time a receipt he never knew he has for a hotel, and second time an email from an old uni mate who happened to be on the same website as him (he didn’t know she knew me and was trying to meet her for sex!)).
Would I ever forgive a cheater again? No. I will not be forgiving any misdemeanours as significant as this ever again. No matter how ‘sorry’ or ‘regretful’ the person is. The trust was the biggest hurdle to get over. I simply didn’t trust him after the first time. The second time I found out, I wasn’t at all surprised.
Cheaters will always cheat (on that person)!
My view is this. Once someone knows what they can get away with, they will keep doing it. Just like children push the boundaries of parenting, lovers will push the boundaries of love. Now there may come a point when someone will meet the love of their life and suddenly be monogamous, but if someone cheats on a person once, then they are likely to repeatedly do it until the relationship comes to an end.
Nobody is perfect and I don’t like to judge new relationships on previous ones. Just because someone has cheated on another lover before you, doesn’t automatically mean they’ll do it to you. It isn’t a question I ask, and it is irrelevant going forward (just like the ‘how many sexual partners have you had?)! A new relationship is a new beginning. Wipe the slate clean and start again, hopefully, always learning from previous experiences and mistakes.
Why you should never forgive a cheater
- Cheating cycle – they will inevitably do it again, sucking you into a cycle of heartbreak.
- Lack of trust – it is very hard to rebuild, despite how much you may love the other person. Do you want to be that person who checks phones, or questions their every move?
- Physical health – if the cheater is having unprotected sex with others then they could be passing diseases on to you.
- Mental health – cheating can have a detrimental effect on your mental health, including self-esteem issues, low mood, and anxiety.
- Respect – or lack of it, they don’t respect you. They never will.
- Unplanned pregnancies – nobody wants to be involved in this kind of 3 way situation.
- Emotional abuse – it is a form of abuse, the damage it does to the cheated on can be catastrophic. A cheater will often make the other person feel rather worthless, unattractive, or somehow to blame for them cheating i.e. ‘you don’t give me sex’.
Personally, I think Sam should cut his losses and kick her to the curb. She’s only sorry because she has been found out. He was going to propose, and she would have said yes knowing what she had done! That level of deceit is beyond forgiveness for my liking.
To quote Between the Tides [Patti Callahan Henry]
“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons to break up.”
What would you advise your son/daughter/best friend to do in this situation? Most of us would say ditch the cheater, so why do we accept it for ourselves?
Sam, if you read this, I’ll take you off the market!