Comparing myself to myself – that’s a thinker!
Let me start from the beginning: I did quite a random thing the other night (don’t get any ideas!) I was scrolling through my Instagram, right back to about three years ago when I posted nearly everyday. Remembering an innocent time when engagement and likes wasn’t such a hot button issue with me, well, with us all I suppose. I would happily post pictures on there freely, not post on there at a certain time of day when I think the engagement on said photo would rocket (PAH!)
I’m going off track now. Anyway, so I was delving right into my Insta grid like I would with a bag of Dorito’s and I took a particular notice to my selfies. I looked at them and I came to the conclusion that my selfies looked better back three years ago than they do now. Now, I’m not saying I’ve completely had a face transplant in three years, but it seems like I looked different back then. Some of you may not even notice any difference whatsoever in the pictures.
Then it hit me – the reason I look different is because I wasn’t trying so hard to take the perfect selfie. Nowadays I try my utmost to take the perfect selfie, I search in vain for the ideal lighting and unblemished background. When I have a selfie session (not that I plan them, but you know) it gets to the point where I feel like chucking my phone out the window when I can’t get that Insta worthy selfie.
So there I was, comparing myself to…myself. I didn’t think that was even possible – until now.
Somedays, I’ll take a selfie and it’ll be the best one I’ve taken in a hella long time. I’ll post it on all of my social media channels to show people I can look like decent human being. Then other days, I’ll take a selfie and I’ll look like a bulldog chewing a wasp and I’ll immediately hit delete.
I’ve said this before, comparison is an evil game we play all the time. It’s like playing trump cards, it’s like you’re scoring points with the other person to see who’s got the better hair, smile, clothes, life etc. I always think I lose. Yet the mad thing is – my opponent thinks they’ve lost to me. I hope that makes sense to you all, I know what I mean anyway!
That’s insecurities for you, they eat your self esteem, confidence and self worth alive. I’ve been playing the comparison game lately and I’ve grasped that I’ll always play it. There’s no way of stopping it, it just kind of happens, like dandruff, dandruff just kinda happens. Not that I have dandruff on my hair.
But is comparison of yourself even more dangerous than the comparison you make with others? I think it can be. I feel like I’ve let myself go and I’ve given up on trying to make myself look my banging best. However, does it give you the incentive to better yourself and to prove to others that you’re a completely different person that they perceive you to be?
Maybe I’ll let you guys figure that one out in your spare time. Now, I can’t be the only person on this planet who is doing this?!