I am writing to you as I feel confused as to what I should do.
My best friend for a lot of my school years disappeared out of my life as soon as we left our home town. I always knew that she felt as though she was doing me a favour by being my friend, but I loved her as a best friend and put that to the back of my mind because I liked spending time with her so much. I knew I meant less to her than she did to me but that didn’t matter. When she ghosted me upon going to university I suppose I was not shocked. It did however hurt, especially when I would not even hear from her at times like Christmas when we would both be back in our home town. I moved on, made some amazing friends at university and accepted the sad fact that our friendship was one that had run its course.
Seven years since I last heard from her, she has sent me a direct message on Twitter and I really do not know what I am meant to say. All she has done is send a short message saying that she had seen something that reminded her of me, no question as to how I am or even a reference to the fact that she has ignored me for the last seven years.
I am torn because on the one hand maybe this is just a simple message and I need to do nothing more than send her an equally simple response. On the other hand I feel like doing so would be fake of me because there is much that I would like to say and ask her. I feel that if I just send a glib reply then I am not being honest. However, friends of mine tell me that if I were to go back and use this as an excuse to start a conversation where I tell her how I actually feel, that this is a huge overreaction to an otherwise simple exchange.
I am minded to just simply ignore the message altogether. She has ignored me for seven years and I therefore cannot work out why she would send me a message now. However, I feel sad at the thought of this.
Donna, I really do not know what to do. I feel like it is one of those situations which is, from the outside, quite simple however I am here making a mountain out of a mole hill. I suppose it is the 18-year-old me bubbling to the surface wanting to know why I meant so much less to her then she did to me.
Your help would be gratefully received.
Thank you for your letter. I understand your confusion and perhaps bewilderment as to what is best for you to do. However, I do think that you need to step back and look at this situation more simply.
It does not sound as though this girl was ever a true friend, however judging from your choice of words, I’d say you already know that. Seven years is a long time to lose touch and so I would have hoped that she would have reached out with something a little more meaningful. However, it may be that all this time we spent in lockdown has caused her to reflect and she simply wanted to share that with you. In my opinion, it would be out of proportion to respond to this with a declaration of how she made you feel all those years ago. That said, I do not think you owe her anything more than a short acknowledgement. Your response may spark a dialogue which could give rise to an opportunity for you to tell her how you feel, in which case I would say go for it. But, if this is the end of your exchange then I would advise you to leave her in the past and not let old wounds pain you any further.
Do not overthink this. If this girl truly wants to rekindle your lost friendship then the burden of responsibility is on her shoulders and it is totally up to you how you proceed. It sounds like you have some lovely friends who are looking out for your best interests. I suggest that you put all your energy into them.
I hope that this helps you.