A short problem from me, but before I get into it I just want to let you know I’m loving the podcast and tune in every Saturday morning when walking my dog.
So, my problem…would it be out of line for me to ask out the brother of a boy I’ve been dating?
I know it sounds bad initially, but I’ve been thinking about it some more and here are my thoughts:
We’ve only been on four dates, so we’re not exactly in a relationship.
It’s not that I just fancy the brother, I actually really like him and I’m so annoyed that I didn’t meet him first because he’s more or less perfect for me.
If I don’t ask the brother out to save the feelings of the boy I’ve been dating, I could miss out on potentially being with someone I should genuinely be with
I told myself I shouldn’t do this, but haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I did also tell myself that I had to break things off with the boy I’m dating, but I can’t bring myself to do it because it would mean never seeing the brother either.
Do you think I should do it Donna?
For me this is quite a clear situation: you cannot pursue anything with the brother of your date. I appreciate that this is not the answer that you would have hoped for, however I hope that my following reasons will somewhat explain my reservations.
Firstly, there is a brotherly relationship which needs to be considered here. If you were to confess your feelings for your date’s brother, you may be at risk of souring what might be a healthy relationship between the two men. In my opinion, it is not fair on the two of them to be put in this situation. From your email, I gather that you do not know the brother all that well (you have only been on four dates with brother 1 but met brother 2 within this period), therefore this is really not worth the risk.
Secondly, there is a possibility that brother 2 may not share your feelings of affection. You could potentially hurt a number of people on the basis of something you hope to be true but have no proof of. If he is a decent man, he will not want to pursue a relationship that might hurt his sibling. If however, he is happy to move forward with such an arrangement in the knowledge that his sibling will feel betrayed, then this to me is a big red flag and would suggest that he is not the type of man you or any other person should want to be with.
Before acting, please consider that there are consequences at stake here greater than who you do and do not date. There are plenty more guys out there who I am sure you will also connect with.
I hope that this helps.