I understand that this problem might seem a little trivial right now given everything else that’s going on in the world. I hope you may have an answer for me nonetheless.
My question is, do I give this boy another chance?
We matched on a dating app some 9 months ago. I already knew of him as he grew up in the same town as me, but we’d never really had anything to do with each other beforehand.
We were chatting for quite a while and he asked me if I wanted to go on a date. I agreed to, but two days before our scheduled date he just fell silent. I sent him a message on the morning of our supposed date to ask what time he was picking me up, but he saw the message and never responded. Then, a week later I saw that he’d changed his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ with some other girl. I genuinely laughed. ‘What a tool’, I thought. I felt like I’d dodged a bullet.
Since this, he’s liked every selfie I ever upload to Instagram. He even snapchatted me on Christmas Day to say I looked ‘stunning’. I deleted him on snapchat following this.
Last week, he sent me a really long message explaining he was really sorry for being ‘a twat’ (his words, not mine) beforehand but he’s finished with his girlfriend because he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me and that it wasn’t fair on her for him to pretend.
I ignored the message to start with, but then he messaged again to ask me if he could have a second chance.
Donna do I give him one? My head’s saying no, but then again what if he genuinely did just make a mistake? I like him – I haven’t dated anyone since we were talking to each other because I haven’t matched with anyone that’s lived up to him. I’m scared that if I tell him to f*** off because of my principles, then I could miss out on the chance of getting to know someone I have a fantastic connection with.
Head or heart? Please help!
You ask whether you should choose between your head or your heart, but in this instance, I believe you can choose both.
Having principles is important and one can only hope to surround themselves with people who respect those principles, however they should not act as an obstacle to you finding happiness.
This guy has demonstrated that he knows that how he acted previously was less than acceptable. We should not underestimate the courage it takes to say ‘sorry’. That said, actions speak louder than words and he has to prove that he means what he says this time. Whilst you would be wise to go into this erring on the side of caution, by simply getting to know him a little more and meeting up you are not committing to anything more than just that. From what I can gather from your letter, you have not even met in person yet – you may find that upon sitting down to have a chat with him that the spark isn’t even there after all. Alternatively, if you come away from your meet up feeling happy and even excited, then I do not think there is anything harmful in that.
You know how you deserve to be treated – if he treats you with respect going forward then he has learnt his lesson and the relationship could be worth pursuing. If, however, he lets you down again, then delete him from your life in the knowledge that it was not you who prevented the relationship from going any further.
From the way you talk about him, I think that the ‘what if’ would be a harder pill to swallow than taking a risk on him.
Good luck and stay safe.