A boy I saw (intimately in a casual sense) back in 2015 popped up in my DMs a few weeks ago. I asked him why and he said that he’d been thinking about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I thought that was quite sweet.
What followed was a string of disgustingly vulgar messages, the contents of which I won’t share with you, but think of the most explicitly suggestive message that you can then times that by 100…that’s what I received.
I blocked him and thought nothing more of it other than what a disrespectful man he is. Today I saw that an acquaintance who I went to university with is in a relationship with Mr Disgusting, and not only that…SHE’S TWELVE WEEKS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD.
There are two issues here:
Firstly, the matter of him messaging other girls (ie me and who knows how many others) whilst another woman is carrying his baby and;
Secondly, this woman committing such a big chunk of her life to a man who has a clear disrespect for women. Although I don’t know her terribly well, I know she’d be horrified if a man had messaged her what he’d messaged me. Any woman with a crumb of self-respect would be!
Donna, do I tell her or do I let sleeping dogs lie? She’s going to have her heart broken one way or another…am I being a coward for not wanting to be the one to do it?
This behaviour is absolutely not to be tolerated and you have done the right thing in blocking ‘Mr Disgusting’. Not only have you been subjected to this cyber abuse, his behaviour has left you in an uncompromising position as to whether to inform his partner about it.
I know your intentions are good and that if the shoe were on the other foot and your partner was disrespecting you by acting in such a vile way behind your back, you would want to know. Therefore, you must do the same for this acquaintance of yours. You will receive no thanks, but you have been put in a uncompromising position where you need to tell her.
There are clearly problems in that relationship as this poor woman is with someone who thinks he is entitled to act this way and without shame in doing so. However, this dreadful news is still going to be upsetting and will trigger a wide sway of emotions ranging from anger, embarrassment and maybe disbelief in what you are telling her. You are, as you say, only an acquaintance, so it is also likely that she will find this matter difficult to talk about with you or even difficult to accept what you are saying.
As you rightly said, ‘Mr Disgusting’ will probably be behaving this way with other girls too. He is totally disrespecting the mother of his child because he wants more attention and is only trying to fulfil his own needs. I would advise however, that you stick to the facts as you are not completely sure that he is subjecting anybody else to this behaviour and I would advise not to vocalise your assumptions that this may be the case. Your acquaintance will have to make her own mind up based on the facts you give her. She may well get defensive and if this does happen step away from any further association with either of them. You can rest in the knowledge that he has been found out in this one case and that in the long run you have done her a favour. One day, if not straight away, she may thank you for it.
Good luck, I hope it goes well.