I’d really appreciate your advice.
I’ve been feeling very low lately because my best friend, who I’ve been inseparable from for over two years, has become a very different person. Her personality has changed dramatically and her mood swings are unbearable. She was once a funny, kind, thoughtful person but now I’m scared to be around her. She mocks me, speaks down to me in front of people, rolls her eyes when I speak and worst of all she makes me feel like I’m silly all the time.
Bizarrely, when I assumed she just didn’t like me anymore I tried to give her space but then she cried saying I wasn’t giving her the same amount of attentions I used to…I can’t win.
I noticed the change in her when she started taking the pill. I don’t know if this is just a coincidence, but it’s the only difference I can think of.
I’ve tried raising it with her but she just denies it and won’t believe that she’s changed.
I’m sad because she’s my best friend in the whole world and I’m losing her, but I know I haven’t changed or caused her to act in this way. I’m scared our friendship will never be able to go back to how it was.
I am sorry to learn of your current situation with your best friend, especially as you mentioned that you were so close over the past two years.
Had you not informed me that your friend’s attitude towards you had only just currently changed, I would have advised that her actions were not those of a true friend. However from what you have explained, I can surmise that your friend is going through some underlying problems of her own and that the problem is not with you. This was proved, when you tried to give her space but she didn’t want to be without you.
It could be that your friend is not aware that she has any problems or may not want to face them. Her actions demonstrate a lack of confidence and worthiness. These insecurities can be deep routed. She may even be under pressure from work/study, relationship or maybe home life. I understand that this may be difficult to believe from your point of view if your friend is portraying herself as someone who is dominant and confident, but do understand that sometimes when we feel insecure we overcompensate to the outside world. For example, when she is mocking you and putting you down in front of others, it is your friend’s way of proving that she is in control and is in fact equal or even superior to you. This of course does not excuse her behaviour, but it may give you an understanding as regards the route of it.
Well done for raising your concerns with her, even if you didn’t get the response you were hoping for. My advice is to approach your friend again with your concerns. Explain to her again how it makes you feel when she mocks you and ask her why she feels the need to do it. In addition, let her know that you would never do the same to her because you would not want to hurt her feelings. With regards to the mood swings, explain how they are affecting your friendship and that you feel she is taking her anger out on you rather than asking for your help. If your friend admits that she is experiencing issues and does not know how to handle them, let her know that you are there for her and depending on what the issues are, encourage her to talk if not to you, to her GP. As I am not a medical expert, I cannot comment on your suggestion that it may be her pill prescription that is causing this change of character however you could suggest to her that she raises this with her GP who will be able to advise and support her accordingly. If your friend chooses not to listen or disregards your concerns, then I am sorry, there is only so much mocking and putting down that you can accept before you realise that you do not want to be around her anymore. Remember, true friends are for life and will always love and respect each other. It may just be the case that you need to step away from her for her to realise the direct effects of her behaviour. If you’re as close as you think, it won’t take long for her to want to reflect on her behaviour and save your friendship.
I really hope this helps and works out in the end. Good luck!