Please help me as I’m in a big pickle.
My boyfriend of six years left me on the grounds that he had a connection with a woman from his work. They never actually had a romantic relationship, but his unreciprocated feelings for her were, in his head, a reason to finish with me.
I spent the whole of lockdown by myself getting over this blind siding.
Now, he wants me back.
On the one hand, I feel like going back would be to undo all the healing I’ve done. I have moved on now and I don’t know if I’d ever feel secure in our relationship again.
That said, I’ll always love him and don’t want to throw away a future with my potential ‘one’ because of a bump in the road. One day we might look back at this as a mere blip in our relationship.
But it was much bigger than a blip wasn’t it. Oh Donna I’m so confused!
I am sorry to hear that you had such a sad lockdown. It must have been so hard for you at a time when most people were feeling lonely anyway.
It sounds to me as though recommencing the relationship is very much on your mind. I cannot tell you if this is the correct or incorrect decision however, if in your heart you feel that a future with him is what you want, then this is what I suggest:
- Take things slowly. It would not be healthy to jump back in where you left off. Why not start dating again as friends and see where the relationship goes. Whilst you are doing this, make sure you are still socialising with your friends and making time for other people apart from him. This will give you the opportunity to learn about yourself as an individual whilst contemplating your future with him.
- Require that he needs to prove to you that he can be trusted not to do this to you again. I imagine this will be the hardest hurdle to overcome as inevitably you will have doubts as to his loyalty.
- Be vocal with how he made you feel when he left you for the woman from work.
At the moment, nothing needs to be set in stone. See how you feel as you get to know him again, but remember, it is up to him to prove himself to you.
I hope this helps.