Recently, I started chatting to a man on Twitter who I have known for a while. We have one thing in common in that we both support Liverpool Football Club and that subject was what started us DMing each other. Things seemed to be going well at first, he seemed decent and there was a little flirting going back and forth!
However, he only seems to message me when he’s with his friends. I’ve tried messaging him when I know he’s not with them but he never replies. He’s being going out with his friends during lockdown and breaking lockdown rules (which didn’t overly impress me as I’m shielding but I let it go, he lives in England by the way) he keeps telling me what his friends are saying about me, some of the things his friends are saying are a little over the line. They are making comments about my body and other really crude remarks which I find uncomfortable. He knows I’m quite shy and that I don’t like these comments being made about me but he still tells me what they’re saying. He also agrees with them and sometimes makes the comments himself to me thinking that he’s being complimentary!
He makes me feel like I’m a dog at Crufts being paraded around for all to see. How do I tell him that I think we should just stay as mates? He seems like the sort who won’t take the hint!
Thanks Donna! X
My first impression upon reading your letter is that this guy lacks the respect that you deserve. It baffles me that he would consider the crude remarks to be acceptable, and that he would allow his friends to discuss you in this way. What perplexes me further, is that he even thought to share these comments with you when any reasonable person would know that they would make you feel uncomfortable.
You are right in choosing not to pursue this any further with him, given that he makes you feel ‘like a dog at Crufts’. His behaviour isn’t even the basis of a friendship, let alone anything further. Next time he and his mates choose to subject you to crude remarks, tell him that he will not be hearing from you again and then leave it there. If he tries to contact you further, I would strongly advise that you ignore him. If he continues to persist, then block him.
My advice might sound forceful, however in my opinion he does not deserve anything more.
If you ever feel unsafe online, do not hesitate to report him to Twitter and keep screenshots of his messages too.
I hope this helps, remember, you deserve a lot better.