I think you’re doing a fantastic job in your feature. You should be very pleased with it. I hope you might choose to respond to my problem. Please keep this anonymous. A few members of my family read House 21 and I really don’t need them knowing this is from me.
I have been dating a man now for about a month. We’ve been on several dates, all of which have gone well. We feel comfortable together and there are a lot of signs that this will grow into something long-term.
However, on the other side of the coin, I’m just not getting any inclination from him that he thinks of me in a sexual way at all.
We’ve hugged at the end of every date, but nothing more. Not even a hand hold. Nothing. At first, I thought I was pleased to be dating someone so respectful, but it’s got to the point where I’m wondering if he even fancies me.
I’ve tried flirting, but it goes over his head. When we’ve messaged, I’ve tried adding a hint of spice but he just doesn’t reciprocate it.
From all this, it sounds like he has no interest in me, but then again it is always he who is organising for us to see one another. After every date he messages me more or less straight away, sometimes before I’ve even got home. He makes plans for us and I find myself feeling chuffed that he wants to spend time with me, but then when we do it’s as if there’s something wedged between us.
He’s a little bit older than the guys I usually date (only by five years, he’s not like ‘an older man’ per say) so maybe it is that I’m used to going out with boys who are just walking hormones. Maybe he’s more mature and therefore wants to take his time…but, come on…a month?! Is a snog after a month of dating too much to ask for?
Apologies that I’ve taken you around the houses a bit Laura, but my question is: does this sound to you like someone who is actually interested in me romantically, or have I just got a friend?
Thanks so much for your kind words, it’s my pleasure to help you with your problem. To answer your question directly, in my opinion no you don’t have a friend and I do believe there is a romantic connection here. No it’s not what you usually hear from a man’s perspective but it’s not uncommon either.
The fact that he is always making the plans and cares enough to make sure you got home okay and is messaging you so quickly, straight away tells me that this is more to him than a friendship. In my life I have had numerous male friendships and none of them have acted like this.
The fact that he is a bit older could be playing a part, as he may be interested in this lasting and therefore wants to make sure it’s right, however I wouldn’t say that a kiss after a month is too much to ask for at all.
My advice is a tale as old as time: communication is key.
Don’t take the texting thing to heart, he may genuinely not have noticed but some people don’t feel comfortable flirting and spicing things up through their phone.
If you don’t feel comfortable making the first move and going in for a kiss (however it is 2020 and if you want to make the first move then do it!) then I’d say the best thing to do would just be to talk to him and see where his head is at, there may be reasons you are unaware of, and similarly he may be waiting on you.
He may just not be confident and needs some reassurance from you that this is what you want too. Not all men are confident with this sort of thing, and like I said its 2020 there’s nothing to say that you can’t take control and make the first move.
If you do really see this going somewhere then having open communication is going to be key. I would say doing it in person is a better idea as you can get a real feel for how he reacts, which may be lost over the phone. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, you can just casually ask him where he sees it going and then take the conversation rom there.
I know this can seem daunting but like I said if you really do see yourself being with him for a long time then at some point you need to start getting yourself comfortable with having conversations about how you are feeling. And if you already feel comfortable around each other then this shouldn’t be a problem.
Also, in the chance that it does transpire that he just wants to be your friend, you don’t want to waste any more of your time wanting something that isn’t there.
To sum up, I do think there is potential here for a happy relationship which includes intimacy, but it sounds like it may require a conversation to confirm where both of your heads are at with how it’s going and what you are feeling.
I really hope this helps and that everything works out for you.