Over the last decade a myriad of new terms to define your sexual preferences have entered our modern lexicon – you can be pansexual (have a gender-blind sexual attraction to all people); you can be demisexual (sexually attracted to someone based on an emotional connection); or you could even be objectumsexual (sexually attracted to inanimate objects).
Me? I’m sapiosexual and proud. I always have been. When I first came across the term sapiosexual a few years ago I remember feeling a dawning realisation that this new word captured what I am and what I look for in a partner.
So what is a sapiosexual? A sapiosexual is ‘a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing‘. So instead of me salivating over a six pack, I want to see the contents of your bookshelves. I want to have a robust discussion about politics without having to explain things every five minutes. I want you to take me to the edge – intellectually.
Are you like me in that bad grammar and a poorly structured sentence earns potential dates an automatic swipe left on dating apps? Then you too my friend may be sapiosexual.
Likewise, if your ideal first date involves a wonder round a museum or art gallery while swapping book recommendations, then it may be time to join the sapiosexual club.
The term has become more popular in recent years (the first recorded use of the word sapiosexual was only in 2002) with some dating apps like OkCupid actually giving you the option to define your sexual orientation as sapiosexual (even though I firmly believe sapiosexuality is more of a preference than a sexual orientation, and to define it as the latter is rather insulting to the LGBTQ community).
I will say there is an inherent problem with sapiosexuality – everyone’s idea of intelligence is very different. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be booksmart with a PhD under each arm and the ability to quote Rousseau on request. I’m actually a perfect example of that. I’ve identified three distinct ‘subsets’ of intelligence I am attracted to – the traditional booksmart; the practical ‘good with their hands’ intelligence; and the lateral thinking, outside-the-box intelligence.
I for one am very happy that the term sapiosexual is entering everyday usage. As well as helping define my sexual preferences, I think its a strong kickback against the current superficial dating culture of instantaneous app-fulfilled hookups, where Instagram-filtered looks are often prized above anything else. I think we should all strive to be sapiosexual.