This post is quite difficult for me to write, the feeling still feels raw. Then again, there’s no better time to write it when I’m going through it myself – the grieving process.
Very recently, my Grandad passed away from cancer. Something that us as a family we’re expecting for so long, but it still hurt and broke our hearts. I shed a few tears, listened to his favourite song in his memory and remembered all the fond memories I had with him. On a Friday where I was supposed to be looking forward to the weekend, I found myself crying with my Mam and my Aunty over the news we had received.
I went home that night and the mourning had started. The thought of going through the grieving process is not pleasant. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s so emotionally draining and you just can’t focus on anything, even the daily tasks you always carry out routinely.
Grief effects us all differently. We all cope with loved ones passing away differently. Me personally, the day after my Grandad died, I went to work. Some may say I should have taken a day off, some may have said that going to work would have helped me take my mind off things. I agree with the latter. I went to work in the vain hope that the customers weren’t going to annoy me with their silly queries that day. Saying that, it would have kept me focused changing somebody’s latte because it was too milky (yep, I’ve seriously had this complaint before).
I’m digressing. Anyway, I went to work, my mind was occupied and I got through my shift. Thankfully, my work mates made me laugh with our usual banter and that made things a little easier.
I went home that night and just sat down and it just hit me like a tonne of bricks – I will never see or speak to my Grandad ever again. The tears came and they never stopped for an hour. I was so focused on being strong for my Mam, in a way, I forgot to grieve for myself.
Like I said halfway through this post, we all have different methods in how we grieve. It’s like division, we all divide number using different methods, whether it’s the bus stop method or the chunking method (Google it) , our brains programme us to do things in our own unique way.
We should never tell anyone how to grieve for someone. Everyone has a different coping mechanism. Some choose to block it out and pretend it’s not happening. Some cry for days on end and can’t face the world. Some cry for just a day then get on with their lives. Telling someone how to grieve is like telling someone how to eat. It’s not your place.
I know my family will rally together in our loss. My friends will be there like the constant support they are. My work friends will make me laugh to cheer me up. My cat will sit on my lap and give me cwtches to make me feel better.
The point of this post? Do grief in your own way. Don’t let others tell you how to handle the death of a loved one. The way you grieve isn’t wrong in any way, it’s how you’ve learnt to cope in this heartbreaking situation.