As is with everyone right now, I have a lot of time to think. I’ve been through my banana bread phase, attempted the fitness phase and am now quite happily settled in the mainly sedentary phase. But over the past year, I’ve had the same main thoughts come to me every now again, sometimes in a panic, sometimes out of pure boredom. Here is what I’ve been thinking about…

I am not made to be desk-based

I’m very fortunate in my job that I get to move around and travel a lot. For 12 weeks of the year, I’m off to my regions in South East Asia, lapping up the teenie glass of free prosecco and pretzels on the plane. When I’m in the UK, I spend a lot of time travelling still, taking part in events across the country. Very rarely do I spend longer than two weeks straight at my desk in my office, and when I do, I’m still up and about in meetings.

Like most people, I’ve been home-based for nearly a year now. For the first few weeks, months even, I was loving it. The extent of my commute was rolling from one bedroom to the other, only having to get ready properly when I had a meeting. I spent a few months on furlough too, so last year was honestly a blur. Towards Christmas, however, I felt fidgety. Nothing strange, the run up to Christmas in normal times can be a blur. I thought by the time the new year rolled around, I’d be fresh and ready to go. Was I? Absolutely not. I put it down to settling back in after a break and after the first week or so I did settle. But I still have that fidget in me, wanting to move and travel and step away from my desk, but like everyone else, I can’t.

After a year of being solely desk-based, I’ve come to realise I’m really not suited to it.  I like moving around and being out and about and right now, I can’t be. It doesn’t help that my job isn’t really meant to be desk-based – the ‘office’ days can be done from home, but the other half, the travelling can’t really be replicated. I really cannot wait until I don’t have to look at my screen 8 hours a day, 5 days a week

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

In the past year, I have had many a conversation with myself about what I want to be when I grow up. Apparently, I enjoy a mini career crisis once every few months. This normally coincides when I’m feeling a bit fidgety with work and culminates in me looking up something really bizarre, like becoming an apprentice chef, which I have no desire to do.

Basically, I’m not sure what my career goal is or should be. I adore my job now, but it’s not what I want to do forever. Or is it? Like I said, no idea. I feel like this is a common phase in your 20s, as everyone is in completely different stages. Some are about to, or are, married, with houses and babies. Others are still out and about every weekend. Others have this amazing career already set in stone. Others are quite happily plodding along, trying things out. I put myself in the last category.

Every time I have one of these moments, I have to really settle myself and put it into perspective. I left university in October 2018 and began my first full-time grown up job in January 2019. I’ve been in the graduate world for two years-ish and I’m super lucky – I have a great job, I get to travel, it’s allowed me to live in a fab city and gives me the flexibility to do my history blogging on the side. All in all, I’m in a good position to explore what I want to do, but it still doesn’t stop me having a little panic every now and again.

This isn’t a motivating time for everyone

In the past year, we’ve all been bombarded with many a smug Instagram post about how people have taken the opportunity…of a pandemic…to renew themselves. Now genuinely, I’m not talking about those who have had more time to focus on something they’ve been meaning too, or have started a new business venture etc. I’m talking about this constant bombardment of how we all should have done more with the last year. This isn’t true. No one should be made to feel bad for the fact that in a year filled with sadness and loneliness, they haven’t trimmed down to a size 8 or finally learnt how to make that tip-top sourdough.

However, I do feel at times like I should have had more motivation. I’ve tried to tackle the Couch to 5k three times now, I have a huge pile of books to be read and I definitely could have written more blog content. I’ve found a lot of comfort in doing what I enjoy this year, whether that be snoozing, going for a walk every now and again and devoting hours of my life to my Nintendo Switch.

Truthfully, I could have done more in the past year, and sometimes I wish I had. But, I’m not going to feel bad for taking comfort when I needed to during a pandemic, and neither should you.

So there we go…

Nothing ground-breaking and nothing I’m sure we haven’t all thought about. Over the past year, I’ve felt restless, fidgeting and in a slump quite often. It’s a common feeling and if you’ve been feeling the same, it’s totally normal. Don’t feel bad if you’ve had a moments of panic or restlessness and don’t feel bad if you start to. This year has been one crazy ride, keep doing you, bake your banana bread and we’ll get there.