We’ve had our Christmas decorations up since November 23rd. We’ve screamed Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas at least a billion times already. We’ve watched every Christmas film I can possible think of on Amazon Prime. Maya has a new Christmas wardrobe. And we’ve already seen in big man himself, Santa at Winter Wonderland at The Mall Cribbs Causeway.
But really? When the day is finally here, it all gets a bit too much. It’s a strange one. I know a lot of others have a pretty hard time due to bereavement, family issues, work commitments and so on. But, mine, as a parent is possibly more selfish. When it comes to mental health, I guess you could say that’s the trigger point. We are fast approaching the end of the year and I know my mind starts to fill up with mixed messages and thoughts. Have I done enough? Has Maya got enough? What about everyone else? Did I do what I wanted this year? But then, hell yeah… you’ve done good! I really am proud of where I am now.
I bloody love the run up to Christmas, and even more so now having Maya. And I’ve actually felt in a much more better place mentally and emotionally during December this year than I did last year and the year before that. 2017 & 2018 were pretty difficult. 2017 Mayas ad had only just moved out so that was all still raw. And 2018 was a first proper year of just the two of us, Maya & Myself. Nothing kills the Christmas joy more than facing it alone with a 1 year old. Thank goodness for family.
This year we are going to my parents, we are going to be seeing family and I’m really looking forward to eating my body weight in cheese and drinking a mass amount of bubbles, because let’s be honest it’s quite possibly my favourite hobby.
Self-reflection: the thoughts that go through my mind to the run up to Christmas & New Years cripple me. I start to dwell on things and overthink everything. I worry myself with things that haven’t even happened yet and probably never will. It’s the ‘What if’s’…
New Years is a time to refresh.
It sounds crazy, but whilst I was writing this I felt scared about failing at Christmas & Next Year that I could of actually cried.
One really important thing I’ve learnt since being a Mum and especially as Maya gets older, is how thinking ahead and worrying about the future can often ruin the present. Of course that’s what I’ve been doing! But you’ve got to live in the moment and be present.
I’ve got a list as long as my arm of things I still have to do with less than 2 weeks to do it in! For my own sanity, I want to complete at least 3 blog posts, I still have gifts to buy, wrapping to start and get the Christmas cards sent. And on top of that the Christmas food shop! Of course not forgetting the cheese and wine!