Is this the new normal? Working from home, having proper lunch breaks away from my desk, counting my calories and becoming a morning person – has this whole lockdown situation been making me a better person or am I overthinking everything to try to keep myself busy to not actually realize what’s going on in my head? I can’t really tell at this point.
I am trying to make myself use every single minute of my day and I have this feeling that if I spend time doing nothing, I’m wasting precious time that I will never EVER get back again.
And it starts to get to me.
So, I can’t stop wondering. Where does this need to feel super productive all the time comes from? Is it all my friends’ Instagram accounts flooding with home workouts? Perhaps spending most of my time at home all day every day watching movies of people changing their lives (like Eat Pray Love – movie obsession at the minute). Everyone is doing something, there’s always a thing going on – some people going live serving a full concert, all these online workshops, and free courses, zoom sports sessions, ballet on stream. People reading books I want to read but don’t have time to (or do I?). Detoxifying their bodies and talking about how meditation changed their lives in lockdown. Everyone is doing so well. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that this is what we all needed.
In my little corner, away from everyone out there, I feel the pressure.
It’s as if, before lockdown, I knew all these people having their life put together existed but I thought there were hidden somewhere on another planet. Right now, everywhere I go on social media, there are people bragging about how good they have it. I’m not daft, I keep telling myself that social media distorts reality; but I need to know if this is the new normal or whether once we get back to reality, being flawed and rusty and vulnerable will be cool again.