Let’s start by saying it’s 2020… we are in a time when people can be whoever they want to be and everyone celebrates them and the people who ‘judge’ do so in secret because they are drowned out by the noise of those who support people being people!!! Hell yes to this!
(I just want to add here that I understand there are still people who choose to judge aloud but they are often hidden behind a keyboard and the more we ignore them, the less we feed their addiction to bringing others down! But that’s another topic…)
So why is it when it comes to people choosing to settle down later, have kids later or maybe not do either at all, we seem to think that something must be wrong with them! And I don’t mean physical health problems which may mean these choices being taken away from some. But people seem to assume you are mentally unwired if this isn’t something you are craving for in life.
So onto me… almost 30… Not married and No kids!
I’m a successful business owner, home owner and travel the world to exotic places yearly that most only ever dream about. Usually at first people are envious and say they’d love my lifestyle but the truth is they wouldn’t be willing to give up what I have done for this… for years I struggled to have a successful relationship and often got mistreated and disrespected because I put my business first. In my younger 20’s it was hard because it seemed all my friends were falling in love and eventually started to settled down and like any person I questioned if that was all I truly wanted but in time it made me realise what was important in MY life. And whilst I always loved the idea of having a caring and supportive partner to share my life with, that could wait until someone worthy came along, I had bigger things planned, I wasn’t going to put my life on hold.
So the big 3-0 is approaching and the questions consistently flowing.
Are you married yet? NOPE… followed by…
Do you want to get married?!
Do you have kids? NOPE… followed by…
Do you want to have kids?!
and it’s always the same answer – ONE DAY… but I don’t want to measure this based on my age, I want to measure it based on the relationship I’m in!
I didn’t put all of my 20’s into a business so I could be scared of reaching 30 and judging myself for all the things I haven’t done… I want to celebrate this milestone based on everything I have achieved up until this point. So why do I feel like everyone else is judging even if I’m happy with my life choices? Why do these questions seem so important upon the arrival of another decade. Would it really matter if I was 31 instead before all these things happen?
Yes, of course I know about a woman’s “clock” and this should not be taken for granted but is it really such a good idea to scaremonger someone into something they aren’t ready for? Maybe with someone they aren’t in a stable relationship with at the time? Or maybe their partner isn’t ready (it does take 2 to make a baby after all).
People have had happy, healthy babies way into their 40’s and beyond so there is no need to put pressure on yourself or others. And before you fire questions and judge (even in your head!) Think about it… maybe they can’t have children or maybe they don’t even want to.
Nobody should feel under pressure to meet societies timeline.
Everyone deserves to live their life the way they want and the way they choose.
Women deserve to have a career over marriage and children. Or as well as if they want it all! (The world is your oyster Ladies, go for it!)
As for the shiny engagement ring… there is so much more to it than that and whilst we all want to feel like a princess for ONE day… settle for someone who treats you like a princess EVERY day!
Celebrate everything that is good. Even if you dream of getting married and having kids, that’s great, but don’t put off some of your other dreams to just sit around and wait for that… your life is now!
Here’s to me, happily and healthily turning 30 with no ring, no babies and no judging.