Having reached the age that I am, I get a little and feel a slight dread. I am in my mid 20’s and every single good friend of mine is in a long term relationship. I have been through and am still going through the imminent cusp of engagements, blooming and popping up one by one.That is even before I factor my partner’s friends who of course feel indebted to invite me to their hen dos.
As Timon breaks into song with Pumbaa – ‘I can see what’s happening!’
I love my friends dearly. I have been there through all the highs, celebrating exam results,getting new pets, birthdays, progression in jobs, moving onto the house ladder, finding ‘the one’ and I have been through deep lows with them when it’s been really difficult for them – losses and upsets,when they were on the verge on splitting up – I am the attentive listening ear and the heavy shoulder to cry on when they wanted the world to swallow them up. Up until this point I have been there for them.
Where this support and motivation falls off a cliff is when it comes to the hen do. I have been on my fair share of hen do’s and enough is enough – I now try to find any excuse not to go.
I genuinely cannot afford it – simple as that. I think even if I saved really,really hard – and put money away – I still could not afford it!
I can no longer justify spending a long weekend, which usually is in a city similar to the one I live nearby to and, to be honest, has the similar features, same high street, same chain of restaurants and spending money that I know would go to better use. Am I being selfish? Well…
It starts off with a Facebook group labelled with emojis which pings and pongs with more notifications that your phone can handle with the details of the potential hen do date, the cost – take a deep breath – before spending money and that’s before you’ve even got your wash bag ready and toothbrush packed!Then the next few months consist of people dropping out, making a big song and dance of getting the party essentials which is any merchandise with a willy on and tacky ‘team bride’ t -shirts and sashes for good measure, and of course finding out who is leading the whole group.When the hen do finally commences the bridesmaids are like military team leaders – sternly nudging people where to meet: ‘meet us here by…’ ‘make sure you do this’ ‘have a shot of this’ ‘have a picture with this’ etc! This is really not the most natural way of making friends when the only link you have is knowing the bride. I have to be honest, these girls at the hen parties – other than on the wedding day of the bride – you don’t meet them again. It’s not a true friendship, more like getting off your trolley with strangers mutually linked to the bride – which you could do anywhere but no…..it is all about her ‘last night of freedom!’ By the end of the hen do you are usually left with less of an appetite for alcohol, have survived small talk with people who you may only come across in the wedding and a bank balance that is looking sorry for itself!
It’s just SO much money! The wedding preparations for a guest are expensive enough – booking accommodation and travelling there. That’s before finding an outfit and accessories which of course have to be new / something you can just get away with because of nosy people on social media. Then you have the wedding congratulations card, not forgetting the confetti and then the actual wedding gift which is usually money – it is just so much to consider.
I know of mutual friends who have TWO hen do’s! One abroad and one in the UK – the world has gone mad! It is such a tall ask for guests to pay for that – it’s keeping up with the Jones’s and it’s not needed! How people think that people have that kind of disposable money is beyond me! It is sprayed all over social media, so it’s not even ‘what happens on tour, stays on tour’…I can’t cope!
Bloggers sorry if I have taken off the willy toys and your feeling the anger of my wrath. What matters more is the rest of your life supporting your bride-to-be friend in their next chapter – wedding day and beyond.