Can we talk about why I must resort to looking like the captain of a ship in nautical stripes or a throwback to the 60’s with teeny tiny ditsy florals just because I’m about to birth another human?
I’ve been wearing my normal clothes for as long as possible but even leggings are getting pinchy now and I need to invest in some decent maternity clothes, except there is no such thing as decent maternity clothes far as I’m concerned, at least not on a budget.
When you’re 5ft nothing with pregnancy enhanced 34J boobs, midi and smock dresses aren’t the ones.
Midi = too long ends up being ankle grazing rather than calf length, also not at all practical with the crutches that are a core part of my body being able to function at the moment.
Smock = Well frankly, I can’t fit one boob in a smock dress let alone two, and on the occasion they do get in there, I’m guaranteed to look like I’m wearing a tent sold directly from Cotswold Outdoor.
I have trawled the internet in search of a few decent tops, maybe some summer dresses, and I was met with a sea of grey.
It’s not flattering if you already look like a beluga whale, and though some may argue, in my case that’s exactly how I think I look at the moment. Scroll a little further and you’ll find nautical stripes and florals. What you won’t find is leopard print, monochrome or anything that isn’t, grey or pastel in colour.
I’m sorry, I’m ranting now, but I find it particularly discriminatory that a woman is assumed to only want to dress in knee length dresses and striped dungarees when she’s up the duff. I’m not saying I’m in the market for a latex catsuit or knicker shorts, but come ON!! I still have a style and it doesn’t involve daisies or gypsy skirts.
Don’t even get me started on lounge wear. So I’ll just wear pyjamas for nine months straight shall I? Ok so that’s exactly what I’ve been doing all lockdown, but I don’t want to leave the house in them….
When you’re short and round like I am, loungewear doesn’t look like it does on an ex Love Islander modelling the latest PLT range, of that, I can assure you.
When non pregnancy shopping, I’ll usually have a look in the petite range, not because I’m particularly elfin, but because I’m short and it’s the only time I can find a dress that is supposed to sit on the knee that doesn’t come down past my shins. However, it may or may not come as a surprise to know that petite maternity wear is non existent!!
I’ve been known to shop for clothes in Bravissimo , because they do a fab fit for the bigger busted among us, BUT they don’t do maternity wear either, and I was surprised and disappointed to notice other plus size brands such as Simply Be don’t either. ASOS and Newlook are better but I’m still not satisfied that I have anything worth mentioning as a ‘great buy’
It’s not good enough to be honest. If I was anyway arty I would take this opportunity to start sketching for the next mamaliscious range, but as I’m anything but arty, who can I write to?
I’d love to know where you shop if you’re short, too heavy and pregnant, so do leave me some ideas in the comments!