Cards on the table: I’m really unhappy in my job – my. brand. new. job.
I’ve had 3 jobs this year, one was existing for 2 years prior, the other made me redundant and now I’m here, at X Agency. I seem to have fallen into a cycle of being miserable in working life, so I’m hoping blogging about it will be my therapy.
The dream job gone… forever?
This year I found my dream job – until it was taken away from me. I left a marketing role where I did everything – a one woman band running the face of the company, a negative environment and not worth it anymore. Sure as I left, 3 other people did too. I left to follow my dream of working for a company I’d been keeping tabs on for 5 years. There, I found it, the dream job working in PR in Advertising.
I didn’t take annual leave because I didn’t need or even want it and the people at the company really, truly made it even better for me. I felt like I was living in The Bold Type or Sex and the City, working on cool campaigns and getting to use my core talents, creativity and writing, while enjoying a great social life. Every day I received genuine praise for my good work and took so much pride in doing something I enjoyed. I loved everything about the company and knew it was the place I wanted to be. Check my Instagram captions and Tweets from that time – pure happiness. Then, it got taken away.
To cut a long story short. I’ve been made redundant before, 5 years ago. The company wasn’t financially stable and it ended up being a true blessing in disguise.
This time however, I was unexpectedly called into a meeting, told there wasn’t enough work for me (and 4 colleagues in other departments), and just like that I didn’t have a job. They offered to pay me for the next week – but not even until the end of the month – an a extra sting to add to the wound.
My world came crashing down, because not only had I just bought my first home (solo) with many bills to pay, I’d been in my dream job for only 3 months. This time was just enough to learn, grow and find a real fondness for PR. I would never had left had I been given a choice. So in fight or flight mode I started a campaign on LinkedIn to find a new job and rope in everyone I knew to write recommendations. I asked them to reach out to contacts and share my posts which did ultimately help and I found a job in less than a week. Now I’m sad to say I’m in a new job where I am truly miserable.
New jobs arent always hard work
Starting all over again in a new role isn’t easy at the best of times, but being forced to do it is worse. It wasn’t my choice to leave, but I should be grateful I have a job and one in a reputable company.
Sure enough when I started the dream job then yes it was easy, I found my people – immediate friends – and this was the solid foundation. The work itself was fun, and being eased into a role is every new person’s dream, so sadly, in comparison it seems everything in my new job is off.
Without reeling off everything I don’t enjoy I can draw three overall conclusions from my first month at X Agency (let’s call it that for now). First, the work is mind numbingly boring, second, there is zero amount of creativity involved in my job (and I’m devastatingly missing it). Finally, though the people seem polite enough they don’t feel like MY people. Nobody really bothers with me so I’m finding myself not putting in any effort to ‘make friends’ with anyone. I’m really not myself there, I’m very quiet and I find myself going to the office once or twice a week, having lunch on my own and feeling like Lindsay Lohan at the start of Mean Girls – minus the eating lunch in a toilet cubicle.
This isn’t an advice blog
There’s no way I can conclude an easy solution to what I feel like is a miserable mess and slump in my life.
I know there are two routes to choose from:
1. Look for a new job
2. Stick it out and hope it improves
I feel like I’m still grieving every day for the loss of my perfect job. I work more hours for less pay and I’m sacrificing creativity and happiness too. I don’t have the mental capacity to sell my skills and job hunt yet again, so it’s not helping matters when I don’t feel I can do anything about it. I’ve even been feeling physically unwell lately which I think is most certainly related. From vertigo to stomach pains, aching limbs, anxiety attacks and insomnia – it must be due to stress and this new job.
I would go as far to say I hate this job and I know that is a harsh term but I’m now even questioning if it was the right thing to do leaving my marketing job in April, albeit being under appreciated, overworked and living with a crappy company culture.
I found such joy in my dream PR role I feel at a loss because I might never find that again. Someone said to me the other day “Yeah but did you really want to find your dream job at 22?!” … I don’t know why they didn’t know this but I’m actually 28, not 22, so yes I did want to find my dream job right now.
I don’t have a partner, much money in savings, only a few good friends and my career is seemingly failing. I’m beginning to feel like a failure. Everyone says it will get better in time – but what if it doesn’t? For now there is no conclusion to draw, so keep your fingers crossed that a miracle happens soon. 2022 has the be better.